The Bachelor Week 5: Glitter

The first ten minutes of week 5 is essentially an extended infomercial for the city of Fort Lauderdale. I’ve been described using those exact words by at least five neighbors. By the way, Eli here, writing in Italics to prove to all those people who thought I was illiterate that …

The Bachelor Week 1: Salt and Pepper

Hello and welcome to Week 1 of The Geriatric Bachelor. I’m Meg and I’ll be one of your co-guides through this complete dumpster fire of an episode, which starts with like, a 20-minute recap of Arie’s failed relationship with Emily, 5 YEARS AGO. IN OBAMA’S FIRST TERM. Arie was the …