The Bachelor: Week 3 WHY AM I DOING THIS

Eli here. A little while ago Meg was all like “I’m going to be busy eleven hundred weeks from now so you’re going to need to watch The Bachelor and recap it without me” and I was all like “I’m hoping to be dead by then” and she was like …

Ten Surprising Facts About Survivor

1. Survivor contestants have dual citizenship. Before filming, every Survivor contestant is required to go through the rigorous process of becoming a citizen of the country in which the season is being filmed. As a result, the Survivor voting bloc in Palau was so formidable in 2007 that for a time …

Survivor S. 34 Wk. 13: Finale

Tonight was the 1,100-hour-long Survivor finale and as usual, I refuse to fully recap it. I don’t know why they do this. Every season they drag it all out for an eternity and then suddenly when there are a dozen people left they’re like “let’s have ten tribal councils in the …

The Bachelorette: S. 13 Wk. 1

I woke up this morning to 75 Facebook messages all written in Japanese characters. They were from Meg, reminding me that I allegedly committed to torture myself sometime back when the future seemed far away. I apparently agreed to rot my brain on “The Bachelorette.” I put it in quotes …

Survivor S. 34 Wk. 12: Two Votes

If you remember, Sierra got voted out last week. And like 10 seconds after it happened, my friend Emily texted me and said that she saw Sierra roller-blading around Liberty Park in Salt Lake City WHICH IS THE PARK BY MY HOUSE and I immediately freaked out but then I …

Survivor S. 34 Wk. 11: Family Matters

So, elephant in the room. Daddy abandoned you and didn’t even say goodbye and now you’re all really mad. I actually have a gif that features every single one of you. And I did something even worse than leaving you. I put you in the hands of the angry mob boss, …