The Bachelor 2017 Week 0: The Starting Lineup (Part 1)

Great news, everyone. ESPN has made my job a whole lot easier and created a Bachelor Fantasy League wherein you can make your weekly and overall picks, so we’ll host our competition there. Join the TV & Jelly league here. You can make your final picks now, and your weekly picks starting December 28.

Prizes will go to the top 3 players at season’s end.

1st place: $100 Amazon gift card

2nd place: $50 Amazon gift card

3rd place: A case of Diet Coke (or the beverage of your choosing)

Before you make your picks, you’re going to want to do some research. I recommend reading up on each contestant, or just staying tuned here. I’m going to provide the most important deets about each lovely lady over the next few posts before the season starts on January 2.

But first, a few thoughts/questions.

  1. I am 100% sure I’ve seen all of these girls on a season of The Bachelor at least once before:  

Is this some sort of Westworld nonsense? They’ve just created new identities and slightly different noses for the 30ish contestant robots, right? Olivia is definitely Caila reassigned.

2. Is this the best photo they could get of Nick?

Nick Viall has been dumped twice on national television which might explain his inability to smile. But dude, you’ve been given a third opportunity to convince America you’re not The Worst. At least fake some enthusiasm for one miunte.

3. Props to mock turtleneck girl:

In a world of ill-fitting halter tops she’s killing it with this sleek little number.

4. What’s happening to Chris Harrison?:

Does he not have anyone in his life who will tell him how much bronzer is too much bronzer?

5. This season features 2 Elizabeths:

and 2 Jasmines:


But only 1 Brittany, 1 Lauren, 1 Rachel, and 0 Megans which means my generation’s time on this show is coming to an end. Everyone I know my age is named either Brittany, Lauren, Rachel or Megan, myself included. And now we’re getting too old to be considered worthy of a 35 year old software salesman’s affections. It hurts a little.

Tune in tomorrow when we’ll discuss the first 10 girls, most of whom wish they were mermaids (really).

Wait, though, before you go, I need to tell you something really exciting. Brooke Barker, all around hilarious genius and the designer of our blog header, has gone and written herself a New York Times Bestseller.  Sad Animal Facts is an extensive collection of true, depressing, and very funny facts about animals accompanied by Brooke’s charming illustrations. I bought myself a copy for Christmas. I hope you’ll do the same.

Click on the image to find out more


  1. Pingback: I Auditioned For The Bachelor Canada: Here's What Happened - sheblogs

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *