The Bachelor Week 5: Glitter

The first ten minutes of week 5 is essentially an extended infomercial for the city of Fort Lauderdale. I’ve been described using those exact words by at least five neighbors. By the way, Eli here, writing in Italics to prove to all those people who thought I was illiterate that …

The Bachelor: Week 3 WHY AM I DOING THIS

Eli here. A little while ago Meg was all like “I’m going to be busy eleven hundred weeks from now so you’re going to need to watch The Bachelor and recap it without me” and I was all like “I’m hoping to be dead by then” and she was like …

The Bachelor Week 1: Salt and Pepper

Hello and welcome to Week 1 of The Geriatric Bachelor. I’m Meg and I’ll be one of your co-guides through this complete dumpster fire of an episode, which starts with like, a 20-minute recap of Arie’s failed relationship with Emily, 5 YEARS AGO. IN OBAMA’S FIRST TERM. Arie was the …